The fireworks are exploding, there is music in the air, and a song in your heart – you just can’t get enough of your new mate. But is that “love” thing you’ve heard everyone talking about, or is this just one more jumble of excitement about someone new and physical desire? Telling the difference between love and lust is not easy for anyone, and unfortunately making the wrong call means it will all end in tears. The good news is that there are a few ways you can tell long lasting true love from pure physical attraction. To find out if your love is destined to go the distance or if you are going to be so over this person in a month, compare your relationships to these three signs of the real thing.
The first sign of real love is good communication. Of course, like most things love/lust related, there is actual good communication and there is communication that seems to be good but is really superficial. Ask yourself how many deep and revealing conversations you have had with your new mate. Have you argued or disagreed and lived to tell about it. Do you know his or her stance on kids, the checkbooks, religion and other touchy issues? Do you know their goals, ambitions and plans to reach them? Or, on the other hand, can you recite their favorite song, favorite candy bar and favorite movie? You’re trying to build a relationship here, not a preteen fan club for this person. If you can only rattle off trivia but are afraid to have a disagreement, love may not be in bloom.
The second sign of love that will last is your level of comfort in the relationship. This is not necessarily about being comfortable with seeing each other without primping first or crossing the bodily function comfort level threshold (those these things don’t hurt). This kind of comfort level comes from knowing you aren’t constantly in a battle to keep your partner’s interest. If you have a really bad day and take it out on your partner, do you feel confident that you can apologize and move on without ruining your relationship? When the going gets tough, is your partner the first person you want to turn to because they are your best friend, or do you try to keep it from them for fear of sending them running for the door? If you can’t relax and revel in the glow of your stable relationship, then you are just trying to keep alive the flames you subconsciously know will die a little every day. Pay close attention to obsession versus a relaxed partnership. Obsessive relationships that become close overnight are almost always doomed to end just as quickly. If you are not comfortable being apart, then you probably don’t have a future together.
The third sign of a loving relationship is that it all comes down to respect. Do you respect your partner, warts and all, or do you have a running list of things that if only they would change, then they would be your perfect mate. In truth, no one is perfect. Love is when you know your partner isn’t perfect – you just don’t care. If you don’t have that feeling about your partner, or you feel like your partner doesn’t have that feeling about you, be prepared for the relationship to peter out.
Telling the difference between love and lust is something people have been trying to do since the dawn of man, and it is not an easy task. Often however, a simple, honest evaluation of your relationship can give you the answer you are looking for.
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